I can't keep them all

The chances are good that Rojero will have a new home soon. The rescue seems to be getting a lot of interest in her recently. I should be relieved. This horse has cost us a lot of money between feed and vet bills. She came here with no medical history and teeth that looked like mountain ridges. She got a full round of wormer and vaccines. I also had her teeth floated and her feet done every 4 weeks. Add to that the emergency vet call, the colic, and the miscellaneous first aid supplies. Then there is the time applying ointments and changing bandages. That doesn't even take into account the 4 a day feedings, the round bale a week, and the double rations of oats. We should be able to save a lot of money when this horse leaves.

But with all of that time and money spent, there is the rewarding feeling of accomplishment. There are the pictures of her progress throughout the summer and seeing her fill out and gain weight. There is the time riding her and seeing the proof of her building strength. There was the trail ride when she was surprisingly well behaved and fun to ride. There was the day she came to watch me bleach buckets just so I could rub on her afterwards. There is the sight of this once weak, tired rescue coming running from across the paddock at meal times.

Then I have this fear that I'm sure all rescues experience that she'll leave me to get passed around again. It's already happened to her once in her life. It is obvious that she was once a well cared for, well trained horse that someone loved. Then she went on to be starved and neglected in someones too small backyard. And she's only eight. How much more of that will she be forced to experience over the next 20 years? Is it wrong to want a forever home for a horse? Horses like stability. How does it make them feel to go to a home and not know if they'll be staying there 6 months or 6 years? Or worse yet to go from one home where they enjoy a good life with plenty of food and knowing that they are cared for to going to a home where their bellies are empty and they don't get any attention. It's no wonder that Rojero had such an empty expression when we picked her up. The superficial sores were only the outward scars. I wonder who it was who put so much time and training into her once upon a time. I wonder if they know the fate she suffered or that she's now up for adoption.

I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot keep them all. Having six horses has put a real financial strain on us this summer. She needs to go to a new home so I can continue to care for my other five horses. My other five horses who eat half of what she does in a given day. My other five who are less of a fall from the ground not if, but when I do fall off. Like Lisa Aldridge says, "I'm not the only person who can take care of my horses." I just wish I had more faith in humanity. I wish humanity gave me more reasons to have faith in it.